This page will give you the latest activities of Bible Smack ministries!!
What is a New testament Christian? What are some intellectual views that come from New Testament Christianity? Check out “Worldview of a new testament Christian!
learn a new Biblical model of the universe based in the most up to date research along side a consistent process of How the Biblical view is real!
a local evangelistic ministry
Gea Ambrosia an on fire christian girl who assist the ministry of Kent Hovind!
most people only hear the roman catholic version of history. Find out about the true church!
For those of you who are interested in defending the faith or recponciling secular scholarship to scripture or have questions about the faith. I have developed a new philosophy of science. I am writing this series out on my blog, though more may come. Now my blog is rather scatterred so I figure I would give everyone a list to go more directly to these issues in your studies.
(just go and click “bible smack blog”
So here they are!
B.H.S. Biblical Historical Science: My philosophy of science [Wednesday, April 3, 2013
“Darwin is dead” looking at the origin of species [Saturday, December 1, 2012
Now a lot of my stuff on my links deals with philosophical and theological topics. Not too mention politics ;). But this essay has more to do with how I feel about things personally.
On one one hand I feel like God gave me a mind, so I try to use it to honor God to the best of my abilities and often get caught up in that.
But beneath all the talk; I wonder if people know where my heart is?
So I am trying to search myself to say what I have felt and what I feel. What drives me to get up every day.
But I reallly want to express the love and feelings that are inside me.
I grew up in a world that I should not have been allowed to survive in.(I had a heart condition and I had to have two forms of heart surgery as an infant.)
As a small child I had a lot of pride. I was good looking and confidant. I heard the stories of Jesus and how he was a great prophet. But then again, their were lots of Bible stories and other stories.
I really felt that the death of Christ was wrong. He sounded like a good man. later I heard about the gospel. I didn’t like the devil and I liked God. I wanted to go to heaven and I did not want to go to hell. So it was an easy decision. I didn’t make it at church though. In fact my family stopped going before I came to faith in Christ. But I made the decision and talked to my parents before I made it. I decided I would be the best person I could be from then on out.
But life was not always fun and most of my life I always felt austrocized. I would get teased and picked on as I grew chubby. I also, obviously, was not the greatest at socializing.
I would spend huge amounts of time alone. At the playground I was by myself. I wend spend time in the back yard meditating. Soon my family began leaving me alone when they went out. All that Time I had to myself I would use my imagination and fantasize and think about science and God.
During that time I never really understood that there was a contradiction between evolution and God. I was told about both sides. But it did not seem my responsibility to reconcile. Also I had not joined the church and become baptized. I had assumed that that was my parents responsibility to tell me.
So I guess I was a nominal christian or “born-again’ I knew I had the responsibility of being a believer but did not know what that entailed. I tried to live right and be a good person. But some things I felt like were beyond me. Like witnessing to the lost, or giving a tithe or reading Bible.
I would go to bible camp and like it a lot; and then it would be back to secular living. “but I had a praying grandmother!” (a black gospel song, true in my life as well) and her and grandpa’s prayers were answered when my bestfriend got me going to church.
In the middle of this I went to middle school. I was picked on pretty profussedly, I was jumped on several occaisions, I was cussed out constantly. I had my tooth knocked out on one occaision. There was a whole gym class(5 classes combined just over 180) and this one boy who would not only cuss me out and sometimes hit me. But he would get the whole class riled up and after cussing me out publicly, they would chant “fat Matt”
He would ask the whole gym “is any one this $#@&’s friend?!” you could here the rumble of whispers as children would ask themselves. I would look desperately towards the guys who hung around and joked alongside me. They would tell me “I don’t have a problem with you but no your not my friend.”
“Ha ha! You fat muth^%$&^! you ain’t got no friends! Your pathetic! Sh&*!”
“Fat Matt! [clap! clap!] Fat Matt! [clap! clap!] Fat Matt!!!”
Sometimes you have no relief. Sometimes there is nothing to welcome you but pain. when I was in elementary school I thought “Things are going to be different.” well obviously though they were different. but they weren’t better.
Where was God? I never questioned that. If God is all-powerful how can my suffering kill him?
The question of God’s existence was something that was presented to me in the form of athiesm since the age of 6.
Naturalism was a doctrine that I had to struggle with in my young life. If I had bought into that doctrine, I probably would have killed myself. What point is there to life if it isn’t fun? My life wasn’t fun. I was indoctrinated to think that God had nothing to do with anything. (mostly in TV and studying science)
But ultimatly all that life brought me was death. Dying was so scary. Because I was supposed to cease to exist. life was a night mare.
So where was Jesus? Everytime I heard about him I it would bring me joy. Every story taught was so great. Even when you hear a story that comes off negative you know in the end that it’s jesus and every thing becomes so true and clear.
But a lie developed in my heart. “That was 2,000 years ago. If he didn’t love you, do you think he would have put it into John 3:16? That doesn’t make sense! “that whosoever believes (except matt singleton) may not perish but have everlasting life.”
Church was not the answer either. Getting used to being cussed out in a secular world gave me some bad habits. Also now that I had hit puberty I was made aware of all the new sexual rules. Alongside this is the fact that I did not feel accepted in church. Things didn’t work out at the first church I went to. So I went to another. It took youth at that church 9 weeks to say hi to me!
No, I had no problem understanding what many so-called christians never realize. Church doesn’t save anybody. So I decided to put religion on the back-burner. I still attended. Only I did not try to be extra spiritual or anything. I felt like church going christians were too holy to accept me. And generally I always felt alienated by them.
On the other hand the fact that I would not do drugs or drink or have sex before marriage alienated me from the secualr world. Ireally notticed this when seeking a girlfriend. If I was the type to by a girl alcohol or Weed, I would have found a girlfriend. Or if I was part of the church click I may have ahd a girlfriend as well. But I had neither. Of course because of the abuse I assumed it was because of my weight. In recent years, I looked back at my highschool pictures and am shocked at the fact that i was not nearly what I envisioned myself to be. I would see a picture of myself on the wrestling team and be shocked at devlopment of my triceps and lats. Alas I never enjoyed my looks as I was constantly haunted by the middle school chants of “Fat Matt!”
I was obsessed with avenging my self and claiming some respect. I played football, wrestled, threw discuss and shot-putt, trained in Tae Kwon Do, and powerlifted. I even started doing better in school and made the honor roll by junior year and kept that. But no matter how much I did, it was all conditional. People only care about you when you are doing something that serves there desire. Whether it was through entertaining or performance or intimidation or service. Eventually you get tired. Yet what happens when you are still empty. And what about grace? I used to have a vinidctive attitude. I will be nice to you as long as you are nice to me. Well eventually I couldn’t trust any friends ever.
I had also observed every group of people; but they had failings. The stoners, would destroy themselves. The nerds were disloyal, the jocks only cared about success. The popular people didn’t care about you. Every where I found like Solomon vanity or emptiness.
Somewhere in the middle of all this I found myself attending a charismatic service. An african lady was speaking in tongues. After her husband taught a powerful message on the beatitudes. “it should read “Oh the blessed” As in how blessed you will be if seek out christ in this way!”
They had a line of people and the preacher (Dr. Qua) would pray and his wife would point her finger like a gun as she would speak in tongues. Unlike the TV, she did not seem erratic at all, she just seemed like she was speaking a foreign language. I was uncertian with whether this was biblical. But at this point I knew that it was time to really seek God. Was the lie true? Or Did Jesus love me personally? This was a blessing I needed in my heart. I needed to know if He really loved me. And He did. They did the laying down ritual after that. Honestly, I didn’t have to lay down, I could have kept standing. But I was overwhelmed, and I figured that was the way they felt comfortable leaving me so I decided to oblige them. But I had experienced something incredible. Suddenly i had an experience that was unlike anything before. Suddenly I felt clean. I felt pure as if I was totally sinless. Not that I was in a literal way. But I felt sanctified because I God let me know that he was present in my daily life. My friends went along with it at the time, but years later disavowed the whole thing, but I’ll never forget.
Suddenly I was able to see things differently. I was able to see how people everywhere felt just as lost and empty as I did. Soon God gave me a compassion for other people that i had not acquired otherwise.
Over time God, changed my heart and had me doing things that I thought I could never do. I would find the direction of my life over the next couple years turn towards ministry. Not instantly! My grandfather was a minister in appalacia, and I knew first hand that real ministry has nothing to do with a nice job and a furnished home, that it was an ongoing sacrifice that pays in heaven and very little on the earth. I honestly wanted to live a comfortable life, try to be rich and famous and then afterwords devote my life to this.
But God would take away my options and helped me realize that there is no purpose to living unless i was serving him. At a later time I may discuss the events leading up to my calling to ministry.
Nevertheless, I would go on to have many deep and meaningful experiences with God. The peace that passes all understanding when you realize that God is present and that you are on Good terms with Him is quite overwhelming. I would go on after my first year of college to transfer to Bible college. I wanted to be as equipped as possible. I learned everything I could from the school and when I had free time I did more studying as well as devotions. For me it was never enough. I would constantly be asking the professors more questions. In fact after a couple years many of the teachers made a rule that I would be limited to 3 questions! (yes, that rule only applied to me lol)
I was obsessed with ministry and religion. Before it was all said and done I acquired over 40 translations of the Bible, along with 1000 christian books and visited 17 denomenations. Not to mention acquiring my bachelor of science with a minor in youth ministry. participating in about 12 ministry activities alongside a megachurch, which during the time was the fastest growing church in the state. (500 baptisms within 6 months) then I would go become a youth minister, acquire my masters in theology and start a house church congregation.
I said all that to say that I had become entrenched in the world of religion. No longer was at the vantage point of having one foot in and one foot out.
The I met a girl and fell in love. She seemed so beautiful and we got along so well. She was too young when i met her so we waited a couple years. So I had to really evaluate if this relationship would work or be wise because of her age. I knew that I was gambling my ministry and future on this type of relationship. But I was in love and had never experienced full romantic love before this. During this time I led her to christ. then we waited. I finally married her at 26 years of age. I was pretty happy to say that we waited for marriage. the honey moon was great and the first year of marriage was flawless.
Then things changed. She suffered a miscarriage and we had desperately wanted children. Pastoral opportunities went away and I ended up doing years of temp service. My graduation was delayed and, later after I recieved the degree, I found out that the institution had not acredditted my degree even though it was an acredditted institution. There were fights that came that were verbal and eventually physical and I was incarcerated. ( I never pled guilty but that is a story for another time.) I had to give up my congregation and go through anger management; and my ability to find work was greatly handicapped. I tried desparately to attain a youth minister position at my new church because my wife said she would keep coming to church if I did. However the pastor would not let that happen. My wife had an internet affair and then divorced me through “no fault divorce” by which it was not mandatory for them to have me to sign any papers and so she divorced me against my will. She also during this time converted to islam. Which means that she was not saved in the first place. The girl I loved the most who had spent so much time with me was now going to burn in hell. I didn’t let go of her at first. It took me months to take the ring off. She encouraged me to do so. But the damage of losing my wife’s soul is what haunted me more than anything. I would also have to evacuate my home. The ship that my life was gliding on, had sank, and i watched evrything drift away. i would also acquire diabetes. I would find work doing street performance with signs. suddenly I was in a different world that was no longer a place of dignity. If I get re-married I will no longer have any chastity to give. The church people say “wait for the one” I guess I am supposed to wait for the two! Time would heal things and i would have many victories along with defeats.
So where is Jesus? Jesus was my advocate when no one was on my side. Jesus was my healer when everyone left me hurting. Jesus was the one who would not remove his love from me. Jesus was my support in my greatest victories. Jesus wept for my ex’s soul more than I ever could. Jesus was my friend when they asked who my friends were. Jesus was my liberator when religion was not enough.
Jesus chose me and He’ll never let me go!
It’s a new day for Bible Smack Ministries! We have officially launched our new website, and we are excited to share it with you! We will make our site much more user-friendly and post links to our books, videos and radio talk shows right here!
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